In this part of my website I would like to invite you to get to know me personally. People I work with, regardless of what you are working on, I need to be able to trust and the other way around, this needs to be the case as well. That's why I'm going to tell you about myself here. Surely there are sections that interest you less or not at all, but which are important for others. It is up to you what interests you and what not and so I am not angry at all if you do not read parts or even everything. If you read parts, however, I would like to ask you to do this attentively and in case of questions not to be shy and ask me. I will make the necessary effort to answer your questions about me.
For one thing is certain: The one who is today was formed in the past. Only the one who knows today who he wants to be can use today to shape his tomorrow.
In the next sections I will tell you about people who have influenced my career for better or for worse. I am grateful to those who did it for the good and I am not angry with those who did it for the bad. They too experienced things that made them who they are today. Wishing them ill doesn't make it better for anyone. Not for them, not for me. On the contrary, it only makes it worse for everyone involved.
Again and again I meet people who are of the opinion that childhood and youth no longer have any influence on them today, just because they are adults. I think that this is a fatal misconception. If you believe Freud, our childhood determines our being an adult.
My childhood and adolescence were marked by experiences that I would not wish on anyone, regardless of age. I was and have always been a very emphatic and sensitive person. As a child of divorce, I often enough blamed myself for the situation. Since my father was conspicuous by his absence, due to my mother's sole right of custody and residence, he did not have much influence on the situation. My mother, however, took advantage of this and multiplied the feeling of being to blame for everything to the exercise of psychological violence. Two sentences have remained in my head, which I heard constantly even as a small child: "If it weren't for your little brother, I would have killed myself already!" and "You are to blame for the fact that I could never make a career!" - Regular psychological as well as physical violence was the order of the day. Unfortunately, my mother's mood changed from this to a very caring one in the blink of an eye. As a child, a chaos of feelings and condition that instead of building primal trust, fueled primal fears. This went on until I moved out under my own power at an early age. The reason for my moving out was the event that my mother tried to murder me in my sleep. Squatting on me, with her hands on my neck, she strangled me until I woke up with a fright. The fact that I am still alive today is because I fought back. Despite the fact that the case went all the way to the Youth Welfare Office, nothing was done. My mother even admitted to the case worker what she was doing. However, the latter was convinced that this was due to generational conflicts and saw no need for further action.
The move out called my father on the plan. I saw him irregularly at intervals during the school vacations. He always lived quite far away. One time in East Germany and then in Austria. As a graduate in business administration, he still had some of his study documents from the subject areas of economics, business administration and psychology, which interested me as a teenager. That was my start to further occupy myself with these topics. After the separation from his partner, shortly after I moved out of my mother's house, I let myself be convinced that it would be a good idea if he moved from Austria to live with me. At that time I was already working and additionally I was doing IT on my own. When he moved in, I gave him access to my finances and let him convince me again, among other things, to take out a loan with which he could pay off his debts in Austria and southern Germany. My then innermost desire for parental love blinded me to the point of not seeing what was coming. My father's promise to pay for what I got from me was broken. So I was left sitting on a large five-figure sum. Mentally down, I tried to service the outstanding debt. At that time I was 20 years young. Four years later I went bankrupt.
If you now think that should be all, I have to disappoint you. This time was further burdened by a drug addict brother, a dead sister and a younger brother who knew exactly how to use my mother's pathological behavior to his advantage. School days were also marked by "You're bigger and stronger than the others, you have to put up with something!" - No matter whether it was being thrown stones, kicking, cutting my hair. The moment I fought back was the moment for my teachers to expel me from school.
I already started working in 2005. Through my student internship at GRAVIS in early 2005, they made it possible for me to earn money as a student after school and on weekends. At this point I would like to thank Ralf and Michael especially. These were people who gave me a chance and looked past what the school said about me. In contrast to my class teacher, who thought it was necessary to make fun of my very bad spelling at that time, hidden as a second question.
In 2010 I went to Essen. I found work with a person who I thought at the time was interested in my best. He was very good at manipulating me emotionally and giving me a "home". This resulted in me working about 60 hours a week for 6 years, 7 days a week without a directed vacation, and at minimum wage. More details about what I did can be found in my VIta. This time was characterized by sports and work. I hardly had a private life. Even during leisure activities I always had the notebook with me to work.
At the beginning of 2016, the time had come and I got the receipt. Insomnia, heart palpitations and completely thin-skinned, my family doctor diagnosed me with burn out and pulled me out of circulation. I got the receipt very quickly, 14 days later the notice of termination was in my mailbox. I was given the nice explanation that I hadn't expected it anyway.
After a few months of recovery, it was clear to me that I did not want to continue my life in this way. Since suicide has never been an option for me, alone because then the others have won, I made myself aware that I am the person who can influence it.
That was the moment when I started to deal with myself and the human psyche. I found the answers to my questions in different books and later also in the work with a therapist, whom I would like to thank at this point for the great joint work.
At the same time, I used the time to complete further training and catch up on my education. Even though I don't put much stock in what is written on a piece of paper, I know that there are people who do. In my opinion, everyone has to know and decide that for themselves.
After the practical part of my training, I stayed with the company and quickly rose to the level of divisional responsibility. You can find out exactly what I did there in my CV.
This time gave me a lot of insight into how much it fulfills me to help others grow beyond themselves. Even before this time, I had already supervised trainees and enjoyed doing so. My will and the opportunity that opened up made me complete the training to become a trainer.
My interest in the topic of "New Work" and "Knowledge Worker" also continued to grow. As did the connection with developing oneself personally if one also wants to develop professionally.
The year 2020: Corona just started and at the end of 2019 I finished my insolvency. Due to differences, I changed jobs and separated from my relationship after 7.5 years. Today we are still very good friends and realized that the separation was good for both of us.
I changed my job under the offer to become the team leader. The manager at the time was looking for and hired me for this, but I was not aware that he sold me to his boss as a technical manager. Due to my familiarization with New Work, I also had a few conversations in advance about how I think teams should be structured. The fact that I was already put under pressure during my probationary period with the threat of termination because they didn't want the team in the home office and thus played with my existence was also a new experience for me at a time when I thought I had already experienced everything.
After that time, the management changed and someone came into my life who I am now convinced is a Machiavellian. While in small circles he said that his only interest as an employer is to make money and in large circles he published my opinion that as an employer one has a social responsibility and that the human being is in the foreground. Likewise, another leader who wanted me to believe that as an employer you don't have to motivate skilled workers to work. It was a simple exchange. Life time for money and everyone is completely responsible for motivation and further training. The same person, is also of the opinion that one could simply collect skilled workers at the bus stop in 2021.
Parallel in this time, a supposed friend ended the friendship on my birthday. A person I emotionally shared my life with turned out to be a younger version of my mother with the same disturbed behavior, and last but not least, my father showed up remorsefully to ask me a few weeks later if I could create a website for him free of charge.
Before a false impression is created, there were also good people in my life whom I hold in my thoughts and my heart. People whose importance I could not perceive at the time and today I am all the happier that they are still there. Many people come, many people go. The important ones who stay.
Each person has his or her own baggage to carry. It is interesting to deal with one's own and sharing it makes it easier for others to carry theirs. All these experiences in my life have hurt and yet I am very grateful for them. It gave me the opportunity to say goodbye to my old self and strengthen my superego and reconcile it with an id. To come to the realization that it only takes one person to take their happiness into their own hands; themselves.
I now share my experiences and what I made of them with people who are carrying their own package. At some points I would have liked help myself. Not someone to take the package from me, after all it is my package. But someone who would take away my fear of the next step and be a light for me when things get dark. Today this has become my personal mission and my drive to work with people as a coach in personal development. Because the human being is all that counts.
Furthermore, it is also the drive to work as a business coach. I assume that very few entrepreneurs are malicious in their actions, but business is an essential part of our society and if we as a society want to continue to be successful, then we need to think about the way we do business and especially how we deal with the most important part of our economic cycle: People.
